This was supposed to be a flickr comment. It got pretty long and I was frankly having too much fun offloading all the spleen, so I decided ‘screw it!’ and brought it over here.
People may be guessing there is going to be some rude language: people may well be right. Did you know that there have been studies suggesting that people who swear a lot are typically much more honest?
Before the horror, here’s why I like new things in SL. We keep getting better at stuff! I just got this photo at The Mad Hattery. Saraid Dalglish made the hat on the left in 2009, and revisited in 2013. Dig how different they look.
Quite a difference, no? very like one another and yet… wow, so much better the new one looks. You could get this hat at her store, now until this coming Friday. During that period, the one on the left is a mere L$25! The one on the right is a mere L$50!!! And the one on the left goes away on Friday, while the one on the rightgoes up to a more normal price for the shop. And now, on to the bitchcraft!
Here comes the horrors, then. I’ll try to keep it funny.
So since there’s this ‘waah my butthurt flickr pet peeves’ meme going around, I am going to participate.
Kind of. In a glancing fashion. Hopefully I can at least make them amusing.
PET PEEVE NUMBER ONE, WHO IS NAMED JORGE: people who use 999,999,999,999,999 brushstrokes and smudges and smears and and and and and and on their photos and then act shocked when someone goes ‘nice use of [filter name goes here]! That’s awesome!’ You just spent how long in Photoshop, working your tail off to pretty up the photo, and someone said you DID IT WELL, and you’re gonna be a precious little petunia and whine? Go get the lobster bib, babe, because there’s a whole bag of horse dicks you need to eat.
Jorge is often found in the company of people whose avatar’s appearance is a marketable asset inworld. He eats peas, asparagus, and the huge lack of self-confidence involved in not saying ‘oh thanks! I can’t imagine how you guessed which filter. Here’s how I pulled it off’ or just ‘oh thanks! Yeah, i put a lot of work into it, it’s good to see someone appreciates it for that work!’ Photoshop is a skill. You should be glad when someone says you used your skills well, rather than butthurt!
PET PEEVE NUMBER TWO, WHO IS NAMED CARMILLA: People who get pissy if there’s not a stylecard with the photo, detailing where the avatar’s underwear came from (I’m wearing underwear in the above photo! I totally am! How dare I be a selfish prick ratbastard goatrapist and not tell you who sold it to me, because after all I’m wearing it! I should tell you who made it and out of what kind of pixels (were they organic?) and how many lindens it cost and give you a TP to every item of it). And the big offender on this one, to me, is the person who says ‘stylecard’, then proceeds to give me no data as to what the hell they want to know the origin of. I would HAPPILY answer the question ‘wow, neat shirt! Where’d it come from? What’s it called?’ for you. (warning: foreshadowing alert!) Anyone would, I think (end foreshadowing). Why not let you know where the cool kids are shopping, or where the awesome insane hair came from? But when you won’t narrow the field or even have the decency to say ‘I really would like to know styling details from shape all the way out to jacket, from prim hair down to your pointy little Jeepers’? Rude.
Carmilla feeds parasitically, sucking the lifeblood and enthusiasm out of the photographer, who gets more and more and more frustrated supplying the answers to a jillion stupidass questions.
PET PEEVE NUMBER THREE, WHO IS NAMED FRED: People whose response to something simple like “great photo! BTW, I was wondering: who did that hair?” is something like “I might tell you later, I don’t know”. There are ruder people on Flickr, but frankly, this just seems attentionwhorish.
Fred is a sloth. I can’t work up the energy to explain why.
PET PEEVE NUMBER FOUR, WHO IS NAMED CAPTAIN EDWARD BEEFHEART.
Capt. Beefheart is an invisible pony. He is often found in the company of people whose avatars model and photo. He wears a trout mask replica, and is known as Mr. Ed to his friends.
Seriously, people, I am perfectly fine with people modifying and tweaking their shapes however they want. I am utterly happy with it! I have enough nose for at least another tiny avatar, maybe even a fullsize one. AND IT IS ALL MY NOSE YOU MAY NOT HAVE IT.
But fuck, if you’re going to take a million photos of your avatar suffering from hip diysplasia — oh that’s funny. THat’s a DAMNED Funny typo there. The term I was trying ot type is ‘hip dysplasia’, and it means ‘when your hip joints are malformed, and work in a strange fashion. ‘Hip DIYsplasia’ (DIY = Do It Yourself, in case the acronym’s unfamiliar!) is when you go into your sliders and fuck around with your shape so much, so hard, that you wind up making your avatar into something out of a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Odditorium. This means you, woman whose hips are so wide you look like you’ve got Mr. Ed wedged right between your stick-insect thighs. This means you, Mr. so-serious-and-butch-I-look-like-my-father-was-a-trout. This means you, woman who shoots her avatar photography from such a weird angle and such a close camera that her headshot looks like someone rolled fucking Mr. Toad in a fucking Lancome make-up kit and fucking wrapped him in 5 fucking square yards of fucking yellow fucking crinoline, and then who expects me to not get out the seam ripper and go at you with it.
There’s another bag of dicks in the back for you lot to eat. I’ll let you split them, though.
Mr. Ed lives on body dysphoria.
PET PEEVE NUMBER FIVE, WHO IS NAMED CHLAMYDIA.
Chlamydia is a charming affable pet, who everybody loves. Everybody better love Chlamydia, because chlamydia gets around. Chlamydia is the pet peeve who is responsible for inappropriate group adds. Sure, me adding a photo of Nath on the Curio Obscura rollerball to a group named ‘Curio Obscura’ makes sense. Me adding it to ‘haha funny SL’ would make sense, if a bunch of my friends were telling me ‘ha ha, funny!’. Adding that photo to other people’s groups, though? Tacky. Let them know it’s there, and they’ll add it if they deem it worthy- or will make it plain to you that you’re welcome to add anything fitting. I don’t want to see a video of your jiggly Lolas bouncing around in time to ‘Voodoo Child’ on the flickr group named ‘picturesofmyadorablekitty.com’. You don’t want to see my cat sleeping in a sunbeam on a group named ‘I keep my milk in jugs’.
Today, Nath is wearing the ‘Gabriel – cream – shaved’ skin that he always fucking wears. His shape is brought to you by the House of NO, GO AWAY, and his eyes are by a vendor who no longer sells them.
His hair is styled by Exile – their ‘Tidal’ haircut – and his shirt is by FATEwear, the ‘Drake – LondonAlley’. The jeans are by Pixelmen and if you need to ask where to find those you maybe will find the answer at the bottom of the complimentary bag of horse dicks sitting under your seat.
Okay, that’s that out of my system. Back to being cheerful! 😀